A Word on Dating Violence from the Mother of a Survivor

     Hello all! My mom, Maxine, is a truly incredible woman. On top of her impressive personal accomplishments, she has raised myself and my sisters to be strong young women. My mom gave me a tremendous amount of support when I left my abusive relationship. Dating violence doesn't only affect the victim; families suffer as well. My mom wanted to share some tips and information for parents who may, unfortunately, find themselves in the same situation that she did.     

My mom and I, a year and a half after I left my abusive relationship

 Dating violence can happen to any teen in a romantic, dating, or sexual relationship, anytime, anywhere. But it doesn't have to happen.

     One national survey reported that 1 in 10 teens have been hit or physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend at least once in the preceding 12 months. And, sadly, nearly half of all teens in relationships say they know friends who have been verbally abused.

A teen may experience controlling behavior and demands before the violence begins. Over time, the unhealthy behavior may become violent. This is why adults need to talk to teens about the importance of developing healthy, respectful relationships.

     Dating violence can have a negative effect on health throughout life. Victims of teen dating violence are more likely to do poorly in school, and report binge drinking, suicide attempts, physical fighting, reckless sexual activity, and low self-esteem. Teens who commit dating violence may also carry these patterns of violence into future relationships.

     Parents need to understand that teens do not often tell their parents of the abuse due to the fear that they will question the teen’s judgment, try to take charge, or take away privileges or independence.Parents should be encouraging, comforting and supportive if their teen confides in them. While normal reactions can include: shock, anxiety or anger, it is important for parents to control their emotions. A negative reaction can frighten your teen.

It may be and usually is difficult for the teen to leave an abusive relationship. Parents must understand that the abuser exerts control and power over the victim.

     Teens should be reminded that they are not responsible for the abuse. Parents must help their teen recognize their strengths and help them explore their options and reach their own decisions. Parents should also help their teen come up with a safety plan and discuss how they can stay safe.

     Education is a vital tool in helping to deal with dating violence. Children and teens place a lot of emphasis on what they see and hear on TV, at the movies, and from peers. Providing education about healthy relationships could help to decrease the incidents of dating violence.

New York State currently has legislation in committee for implementing educational programs in schools (S04860 and A00518). Unfortunately this legislation has been sitting in the Education Committee for several years. A concerted effort must be made to encourage forward movement on this legislation.

While waiting for the legislation to become law parents can do several things if they suspect their child is involved in an abusive relationship…

v  Keep the lines of communication open.

v  Do not pressure your child to end the relationship.

v  Reassure your child that you are there for him/her should you be needed.

v  Keep the National Domestic Violence Hotline number handy.                                   

iIt is 1-800-799-SAFE.

v  Let your child know that they can call this number for support if they are worried about speaking to you.

v  Brainstorm some helpful strategies together. Make them ‘just in case’ scenarios.

If they are sure their child has been abused…

v  Without a doubt, take a victim who has been physically hurt to the hospital right away.

v  Reassure them that their physical well-being comes first. You can talk about how it happened when he/she is better.

v  Don’t nag - hug, pamper, console.

v  After they have received medical care, contact the police or talk with the hospital social worker who can contact authorities for you.

v  If your child tells you about physical and/or emotional abuse against him/her it is time to contact the authorities.

If you aren’t sure where to call, try the local police or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE).

Children's Miracle Network- You Can Help Make Miracles Happen

    We've all heard of the Children’s Miracle Network and the facilities that are funded through the generous donations of people all across the country. But do you know the true impact of this incredible organization? The Children’s Miracle Network hospitals raise funds and support for 170 hospitals in North America. 1 in 10 children in North America will be treated by the Children’s Miracle Network and 62 children every minute will enter a CMN hospital. This organization is committed to providing life-saving medical treatment to children, regardless of economic status.

   This Miss America Organization has a partnership with the Children’s Miracle Network and the contestants at all levels raise money and awareness for the hospitals. It is a true honor to be a part of this partnership, and to be able to have a real impact on the lives of these beautiful children.

    My family was very fortunate; we never had to deal with any major accidents or illnesses when we were kids. But for so many families, the reality of childhood cancer and debilitating accidents is harsh. The Children’s Miracle Network is here for these families in their time of need. I guarantee that someone in your life, if not yourself, has been touched by the Children’s Miracle Network. These hospitals need support so that they can continue to provide life-saving treatment. 

If you would like to donate to the Children's Miracle Network, please visit the link below:

http://www.missamericaforkids.org/Donate/1039991E83D451A27

'Tis the Season

Merry Christmas! Well, a belated Merry Christmas.  I truly hope that you all enjoyed a peaceful and safe holiday. This year was a very special Christmas for me. It’s been a long year for my family, between floods and pageants and graduations and school, and it was nice to be able to bask in each other’s health and company. My sister, Keelie, traveled from NYC to spend a few days with us. My other sister, Kieren, and her fiancé Shawn made the much shorter drive from Schenectady to be with us. We enjoyed homemade pizza and monkey bread on Christmas Eve as we continued our tradition of opening pajamas and new ornaments. On Christmas day, we spent the morning with my dad and step-mom and the afternoon/evening with my mom. I had the honor of cooking Christmas dinner, and while it was non-traditional (with a few road bumps) I’d say it was a success.

From left: Our dad, Keelie, Kieren, and myself

We like to make funny faces :)

Super close up!

Above anything else, this Christmas made me thankful. No, it wasn't perfect. But it was Christmas with the people I love and that’s really all that I need. I am so thankful for the wonderful people that fill my life: my family, friends, classmates, and directors. Today my sisters went home and everything is back to normal. I miss them already. There’s nothing like this time of year to make you cherish the simple things in life: friendship, love, laughter. So, Merry Christmas everyone! And may the spirit of the season linger a little bit longer this year.