A Word on Dating Violence from the Mother of a Survivor

     Hello all! My mom, Maxine, is a truly incredible woman. On top of her impressive personal accomplishments, she has raised myself and my sisters to be strong young women. My mom gave me a tremendous amount of support when I left my abusive relationship. Dating violence doesn't only affect the victim; families suffer as well. My mom wanted to share some tips and information for parents who may, unfortunately, find themselves in the same situation that she did.     

My mom and I, a year and a half after I left my abusive relationship

 Dating violence can happen to any teen in a romantic, dating, or sexual relationship, anytime, anywhere. But it doesn't have to happen.

     One national survey reported that 1 in 10 teens have been hit or physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend at least once in the preceding 12 months. And, sadly, nearly half of all teens in relationships say they know friends who have been verbally abused.

A teen may experience controlling behavior and demands before the violence begins. Over time, the unhealthy behavior may become violent. This is why adults need to talk to teens about the importance of developing healthy, respectful relationships.

     Dating violence can have a negative effect on health throughout life. Victims of teen dating violence are more likely to do poorly in school, and report binge drinking, suicide attempts, physical fighting, reckless sexual activity, and low self-esteem. Teens who commit dating violence may also carry these patterns of violence into future relationships.

     Parents need to understand that teens do not often tell their parents of the abuse due to the fear that they will question the teen’s judgment, try to take charge, or take away privileges or independence.Parents should be encouraging, comforting and supportive if their teen confides in them. While normal reactions can include: shock, anxiety or anger, it is important for parents to control their emotions. A negative reaction can frighten your teen.

It may be and usually is difficult for the teen to leave an abusive relationship. Parents must understand that the abuser exerts control and power over the victim.

     Teens should be reminded that they are not responsible for the abuse. Parents must help their teen recognize their strengths and help them explore their options and reach their own decisions. Parents should also help their teen come up with a safety plan and discuss how they can stay safe.

     Education is a vital tool in helping to deal with dating violence. Children and teens place a lot of emphasis on what they see and hear on TV, at the movies, and from peers. Providing education about healthy relationships could help to decrease the incidents of dating violence.

New York State currently has legislation in committee for implementing educational programs in schools (S04860 and A00518). Unfortunately this legislation has been sitting in the Education Committee for several years. A concerted effort must be made to encourage forward movement on this legislation.

While waiting for the legislation to become law parents can do several things if they suspect their child is involved in an abusive relationship…

v  Keep the lines of communication open.

v  Do not pressure your child to end the relationship.

v  Reassure your child that you are there for him/her should you be needed.

v  Keep the National Domestic Violence Hotline number handy.                                   

iIt is 1-800-799-SAFE.

v  Let your child know that they can call this number for support if they are worried about speaking to you.

v  Brainstorm some helpful strategies together. Make them ‘just in case’ scenarios.

If they are sure their child has been abused…

v  Without a doubt, take a victim who has been physically hurt to the hospital right away.

v  Reassure them that their physical well-being comes first. You can talk about how it happened when he/she is better.

v  Don’t nag - hug, pamper, console.

v  After they have received medical care, contact the police or talk with the hospital social worker who can contact authorities for you.

v  If your child tells you about physical and/or emotional abuse against him/her it is time to contact the authorities.

If you aren’t sure where to call, try the local police or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE).

Children's Miracle Network- You Can Help Make Miracles Happen

    We've all heard of the Children’s Miracle Network and the facilities that are funded through the generous donations of people all across the country. But do you know the true impact of this incredible organization? The Children’s Miracle Network hospitals raise funds and support for 170 hospitals in North America. 1 in 10 children in North America will be treated by the Children’s Miracle Network and 62 children every minute will enter a CMN hospital. This organization is committed to providing life-saving medical treatment to children, regardless of economic status.

   This Miss America Organization has a partnership with the Children’s Miracle Network and the contestants at all levels raise money and awareness for the hospitals. It is a true honor to be a part of this partnership, and to be able to have a real impact on the lives of these beautiful children.

    My family was very fortunate; we never had to deal with any major accidents or illnesses when we were kids. But for so many families, the reality of childhood cancer and debilitating accidents is harsh. The Children’s Miracle Network is here for these families in their time of need. I guarantee that someone in your life, if not yourself, has been touched by the Children’s Miracle Network. These hospitals need support so that they can continue to provide life-saving treatment. 

If you would like to donate to the Children's Miracle Network, please visit the link below:

http://www.missamericaforkids.org/Donate/1039991E83D451A27

'Tis the Season

Merry Christmas! Well, a belated Merry Christmas.  I truly hope that you all enjoyed a peaceful and safe holiday. This year was a very special Christmas for me. It’s been a long year for my family, between floods and pageants and graduations and school, and it was nice to be able to bask in each other’s health and company. My sister, Keelie, traveled from NYC to spend a few days with us. My other sister, Kieren, and her fiancé Shawn made the much shorter drive from Schenectady to be with us. We enjoyed homemade pizza and monkey bread on Christmas Eve as we continued our tradition of opening pajamas and new ornaments. On Christmas day, we spent the morning with my dad and step-mom and the afternoon/evening with my mom. I had the honor of cooking Christmas dinner, and while it was non-traditional (with a few road bumps) I’d say it was a success.

From left: Our dad, Keelie, Kieren, and myself

We like to make funny faces :)

Super close up!

Above anything else, this Christmas made me thankful. No, it wasn't perfect. But it was Christmas with the people I love and that’s really all that I need. I am so thankful for the wonderful people that fill my life: my family, friends, classmates, and directors. Today my sisters went home and everything is back to normal. I miss them already. There’s nothing like this time of year to make you cherish the simple things in life: friendship, love, laughter. So, Merry Christmas everyone! And may the spirit of the season linger a little bit longer this year.

Catching Up

Hey there! I am so excited to share what the last few weeks have been like that I’m going to jump right into it.

I started school! I am officially a nursing student and am proud to say that I am doing very well in all of my classes. I’ve been working hard and it feels great to see it paying off. I’m taking four classes, five days a week: Med/Surg, Body Structure and Function, Nutrition, and Basic Nursing. In addition to school I’m still working part time, so a balancing act has been extremely necessary and slightly tricky to make things work.

                                               

(First day of school! Sorry it's a little blurry.)

Two weeks into my school year I had the amazing opportunity to see my friend and Miss New York sister, Nina Davuluri, become our new Miss America! Nina is a wonderful human being who has been an inspiration to countless young women, including myself. Nina is stunningly beautiful, inside and out, and I am so thankful to have met her at Miss New York 2012. Side Note – When I was crowned Miss Central New York Nina did the crowning. Little did I know that night that I was being crowned by Miss America!

                                                

                   

                         (Me and Nina immediately following the crowning.)

                                       

I am also extremely pleased to announce that I have solidified some very exciting appearances for the month of October. This past Saturday I had the pleasure of acting as a hostess at the Miss Salt City Royalty Pageant for Charity in Syracuse. They are a fantastic organization, and I had a great time with the contestants. And yes I have a lot of pictures; I just haven’t had time to upload them yet. They will be here soon! Tonight I am honored to be modeling in the Mary Kay Fashion Show in Celebration of Domestic Violence and Cancer Survivors at The Beeches Inn and Conference Center in Rome. I had the opportunity to speak at this event last year, and it was truly life changing. To be celebrated as a domestic violence survivor and share my story with a room full of strangers, words cannot begin to express what that night did for me. If you’re free tonight and want to enjoy a night of celebrating life, come out and spend the evening with myself and 50 other models. Show starts at 7 PM.

This Friday, October 11^th, I will be in front of the Amsterdam Wal-Mart collecting money to benefit the Miss Central New York Organization starting at 1pm. Come down to donate, or just say hi! I will be signing autographs and taking pictures all afternoon! October 20^th will find me traveling to Corning to watch my beautiful teen, Libby Kleinschmidt, give up her title as Miss Finger Lakes Outstanding Teen. Before and after the pageant I will be at the Corning Wal-Mart collecting money for the Children’s Miracle Network.

I’m really excited about the upcoming months. The best part about being a titleholder is getting out in the community. I’m so thankful to represent such a large portion of the state and I truly hope to reach as much of it as I can. If you would like to make an appearance in your area or at a special community event, please contact Maxine Gasser at:  mlgasser3@gmail.com or the Central New York Organization at: www.misscny.org.

Thoughts on the Summer

               As the summer comes to an end I've found myself recently bombarded with a long list of things to accomplish in a very short amount of time.  While busy with the numerous preparations for the start of school, I also realized that the majority of my summer has been spent inside of the four walls of my place of employment. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful that I was able to work almost full-time for the summer. I know it will help a lot during the school year. However, being the outdoorsy girl that I am, I was saddened by the lack of adventures that I was able to enjoy these past few months. I was only able to hike a hand full of times, I missed my favorite music festival (moe.down) and sadly I had no opportunity to go camping. Not even one time! I knew that this summer was going to be different, but I didn't quite expect it to be like this. However, despite all of the things that I missed this summer, I was fortunate enough to have had some unforgettable experiences.

                Winning Miss Central New York was definitely the highlight of my summer.  I prepared every day for the competition and felt beyond accomplished when my name was called. The doors that this title will open are going to provide me with opportunities that were previously unavailable. I know that I am going to make a difference and I know that the sky is truly the limit!

                Last weekend I somehow managed to have two days off in a row! I wanted to do something fun and different but I wasn't sure what. The idea came from my charming boyfriend, Jason, who decided to pack a picnic (complete with a real picnic basket) and take me on a surprise road trip. I had no idea where we were going, so you can imagine my surprise when we crossed the Vermont state line! We ended up just outside of Manchester at the base of Mt. Equinox. We paid the road toll and were on our way to the top of the mountain. My ears must have popped 10 times during the almost 5 mile drive to the summit. Once we reached the top the amazing view was breathtaking. After spending several minutes taking in the scenery we settled down for our picnic. Never having had the pleasure of visiting Mt. Equinox I can’t wait to return. Next time we will hike the trail to the top instead of driving.

It was really cold at the top of the mountain!

I told you we had a REAL picnic basket!

I'm not actually going to admit how many attempts it took to get this shot.

The view from the top of Mt. Equinox. Beautiful. 

                Last night I had an amazing experience as Jason and I took in a show at Proctor’s Theatre in Schenectady. My birthday is rapidly approaching and I was gifted two fifth row tickets to see Cirque Eloize’s Cirkopolis. This show is mind-blowing. The performers are incredibly talented and the stage design and special effects really took the entire experience over the top. There was an incredibly entertaining mixture of juggling, aerial stunts, pole work and a German wheel! Not only was I completely mesmerized by the performance and story, but I have been totally inspired to build my own German wheel and train myself. We shall see how this plan plays out. Hmmmmm…I wonder if a German wheel will fit on the Miss New York stage?

                With just one week left until school starts and my summer is officially over, I think that I can determine the most memorable thing about this summer. It’s not the things that I did or experienced, and it’s not the things that I missed out on. The most memorable thing about this summer is what I've learned. I had choices to make and priorities to get in order. I had to make sacrifices and determine what was really important to me. I learned that when you know what you want you have to go get it. When you want to succeed you have to work. When you want to feel accomplished you have to do things that you can be proud of. And I learned to value the small things; going for ice cream with friends; sleeping in on a week day; and considering a less than 7 hour shift to be a day off. I grew up this summer, a lot. I am extremely proud of where my decisions have led me and beyond excited to see where those same decisions take me. I’ll keep you all in the loop.

               

                

Introducing Miss Thousand Islands 2014, Olivia Grant!!

           Over the weekend I had the pleasure of traveling to the beautiful town of Clayton situated along the St. Lawrence River for the Miss Thousand Islands 2014 Pageant. I should mention that the drive alone was absolutely stunning, and I really encourage everyone to make a trip to the region at some point. Held at the beautiful Clayton Opera House, this venue has been the home of the Miss TI Pageant for many years.

This year’s pageant drew 10 extremely poised, intelligent and talented contestants. After a fun opening number to Madonna’s “Vogue”, the contestants competed in Lifestyle and Fitness, Talent, Evening Gown and On-Stage Question. Each young woman was professional and showed great enthusiasm about the program as well as their community. They also showed their intelligence when answering some challenging questions provided by former titleholders.

Anticipation was high by the end of the evening while we all awaited the announcement of Miss Thousand Islands 2014. Drum roll please! Miss Thousand Island 2014 is a 17 year old freshman at Queen’s University, and her name is Olivia Grant. Olivia was kind enough to share a little about herself with me, so here it is:

Miss Thousand Islands was Olivia’s first pageant. I would say that’s a pretty good start, wouldn't you? She is currently studying film and media studies with a dual major in drama. Olivia’s platform is titled Unedited Beauty which aims to promote the universal acceptance that there is more than one definition of beauty as well as eliminating the popular notion that there is only one definition of beauty. Olivia feels a strong connection to her platform because she spent many years struggling with low self-esteem due to a vascular disease that left a large birthmark on her left thigh. One day she realized something that would be life changing. “No person is the same and every person is beautiful, it’s as simple as that.” Now beaming with confidence Olivia struts her stuff in the Lifestyle and Fitness phase of competition on stage AND she did not cover her birthmark. This is truly a girl who knows exactly what she’s made of.

              Olivia says that her biggest goal this year is to make a true change in her community. Having grown up in the Thousand Islands region, Olivia says that she wants to give back just a little of what the area has given to her. One thing is certain; I know that we will see great things out of this young woman. 

  

Silence Hides Violence: Speaking Out Against Teen Dating Violence

                Dating violence is one of the most common, dangerous and overlooked problems facing teens today.  Unhealthy relationships can start early and last a lifetime, leading to lifelong unhealthy relationship practices. Dating violence crosses all racial and ethnic lines. Males and females alike fall victim. The teen group is at risk because statistics have shown that they are the least likely group to disclose warning signs or abuse to a friend, family member or trusted adult and especially to report dating violence to police.

                The idea of treating others with respect may seem like common sense, but the truth is that quite a few teens are involved in violent relationships. Teens, as well as everyone else, have to understand that violence is never acceptable. Education is the key to preventing this behavior. Prevention initiatives include early education about healthy dating practices as well as guidance on how to detect violent behavior. Teens need to be made aware of resources available to them. They also need to be empowered to stand up for themselves and to not allow disrespectful behavior.

                     The issue of teen dating violence is one that is very close to my heart. I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 3 years which began when I was 17. After several unsuccessful attempts at leaving the relationship, I reached my breaking point when I was struck in the face so hard that my vision was permanently damaged.  With the support of my family and friends I was able to leave the relationship, and I feel the strongest that I ever have. Sadly, so many other people do not have the support that I do, and therefore become trapped in a never ending cycle of abuse.

                It is my goal to spread awareness and education about dating violence. I want young people to believe in themselves and know their worth. In honor of the many brave survivors, and in memory of those who are no longer here, please join my cause. Together we can end this. 

Nice to meet you!

     Hello everyone! My name is Courtney Sheridan and last night I was given an amazing opportunity by being crowned Miss Central New York 2014.

    The Miss CNY organization makes up one of many local pageants in the Miss America Organization. Young women ages 17-24 compete all across the country in local pageants just like the one last night. All local titleholders compete in their respective state pageants, and each of those winners goes on to compete on the Miss America stage! Needless to say, I am very excited about being crowned.

    Each contestant chooses a community service platform to promote before, during and after her reign.  My platform is Silence Hides Violence: Speaking Out Against Teen Dating Violence. It is my goal to spread awareness and education on this topic, as well as to push to see New York State legislation put in to affect to mandate public school education about dating violence. Please join me in my cause. You have the power to enact amazing change!

   I am greatly looking forward to the year ahead of me. This organization opens so many doors to young women like myself and I plan to walk through every single one. I promise to represent the Central NY area with integrity and grace.